Let's get one thing straight

I love Erma Bombeck. But I ain't her. Unfortunately. OMG. That's the first time I ever wrote "ain't."

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Things My 8 Year Old Said this Summer

"It's too bad you can't get paid for sitting around, belching, and pootying."

"I've made this check list of Build-a-Bears that I want. Will you help me calculate the tax so I know how much money you need to give me?"

"Will YOU pay the tax on my Build-a-Bears? After all, a kid shouldn't have to pay taxes. I don't even have an accountant."

"You mean there are lots of different kinds of taxes? I've got to ask Mamaw if the Republicans caused that."

"What should I do if I'm ever held captive in a brick building with no windows, a cement floor, and a cast iron roof?"

"What's so scary about zombies? It's not like they work out or anything."

"I've created an online wish list of all the things I want to order to sell in my zoo souvenir shop. I'm going to mark them waaay up so I can make a ton of money."

"That lady at Bible school keeps telling us to bring more money for those foreign orphans. I just want to know if those foreign orphans are going to make our house payment or buy our groceries. How much does that woman expect from us?"

"I'm going to go pack for time travel. I want to be ready to go as soon as I figure out how to do it."

"Can we go to Texas to dig for dinosaur bones? I want to find them then sell them to museums."

"If Twilight wasn't so popular, I wouldn't have to worry about the wolf Build-a-Bear selling out before I can buy it."

"Will you Google search inflatable animals? I've been thinking -- inflatable animals don't eat so an inflatable zoo would be cheaper to maintain."

"I'll let you work for me at my aquarium and I'll even pay you a little bit."

"Can we have a shark? It doesn't have to be a big one."

"Cake ice cream cones are misleading. They are not made of cake. Not at all."

"I know your back hurts but remember, it could be worse. You could be a whole lot older than you already are."

"I can't explain it. The purple vanilla ice cream at Purple Cow just tastes better."

"I wanted to be in Girl Scouts so I could earn patches, then I thought: Duh. You have an embroidery machine. So, here's this book. I've marked 71 embroidery designs that I want you to make as patches. When can you have those to me?"

"Do I have to pants today?"